Little Voices

I was reflecting back the other day, thinking of the blessings in my life and my budding awareness.  It occurred to me that some of the skills I seek now, have been with me my whole life.  I have begun my MooseBoots quest, my journey to rediscovering native wisdom metaphorically symbolized by a pair of hand-made boots of hand-tanned  moose hides, moose boots.  Of course, before that, I knew things intuitively.  I have always considered myself intuitive, perhaps a bit psychic.  Now, I believe that it is all simply being in touch with "the Spirit In All Things", the Universe, our ancient ancestors through genetic material, or whatever you need or want to call it, perhaps even God.

In particular, two examples stood out clearly.  In the first, I did not listen to a very clear suggestion.  Let me paint the picture ....  One morning, I was driving to work.  The route I took was a series of back roads to a point where I joined one of the main roads travelled by many southern Mainers.  I travelled in the opposite direction.  The last in the series of little road is Cressey Road, in Gorham.  Cressey Road, at the time, teed into Route 25.  Route 25 is a major commuting road into Portland.  At this particular spot, Route 25 had two lanes of traffic heading eastward and one heading westward.  I needed to make a left turn into the westward lane across the two lanes of eastward traffic.  Anyone who knows this spot knows that this place was dangerous.  I sat at the stop sign watching a lumbering high-walled truck coming up the hill in the right lane to turn onto Cressey Road.  I looked around him as best I could, I could see no one.  "DON'T GO!"  It perhaps was not a loud voice, but it was clear.  I semi-negotiated and thought it will be fine, as I released the clutch and stepped on the accelerator.

The other was not a clear spoken voice, but a feeling, a knowing.  Of course, being human, I was stubborn with this one, too.  For several years, I had been unhappy with my job with a small start-up company.  I knew that the management was not going to be able to make the company a success within the first two years.  The problems were broad ranging, lack of leadership ability, poor planning, non-existent marketing/sales ability, and under-bidding every job in terms of time and money.  I believed, however, that I could change all of that.  While I am not experienced in all of these things, I have a fairly good dose of common sense and I can lead.  The problem was, after several years of trying to "save" the company, that the management could not see its own weaknesses and did not see a need to change.  I became very combative with the president of the company, but was so valuable that they tolerated it.  I knew after two years that I needed to find another job and that it was not healthy for me to stay.  I stayed with it for almost six more years, even with repeated hints - my mother's stroke from work related stress (amongst other things), persistent shoulder pain (from stress), my personality changing from one of optimism and happiness to anger and frustration, lay-offs, my aunt's heart attack and passing, and my grandmother's passing.  All of these signs reminding me to live, really live, my life!  Happily, January of this year, I started a new job.  My attitude has reverted back, although I still have my moments.  More importantly, this new job will allow me to focus on those things that a most important, my family, my friends, and my personal growth and development.

How many times have you ignored that voice?  Do you feel guilty for it?  I have to make amends to these helpers.  I do appreciate that they are there to guide me.  I have started to actively listen again.  Of course, I have conditioned myself to ignore them and must now work hard to re-establish the link.  This is part of my MooseBoots journey.  I am humbled by the fact that they are with me and willing to help.  Thank you, Universe.